Prayers are working
Monday, February 21, 2011 1:45 PM
I just want to say thank you for all of your love, support, prayers, emails and general concern. Something is happening- and although we can’t explain it- it feels good. I guess that is what faith truly is… the walking “as if” and knowing that you’re going to be okay.
A few days ago- Paul and I both started to feel things shift. We both sensed that something was different. When we were told that “It could be cancer”… a feeling of sadness, anger, dread and confusion set in. It was like someone deflated us. Our faith tells us- no matter what… we’re going to be okay… people have prayed with me and have said things like- when you’re at your lowest- that’s when God is at his strongest. I can honestly say, it doesn’t make me feel any better when I buy into the fear.
Paul and I spoke at length over the past week- searching, digging… trying to make sense of stuff. It dawned on me what a control freak I really am. The not knowing was driving me nuts. That is faith in the opposite form- right? As long as life is going my way… I am okay. What about when we’re faced with a challenge? All that went right out the window. In an instant- my faith was rocked. My sense of knowing who I am… disappeared. I am a person who likes rules and boundaries… it’s weird- I find security there. I am not the fly by the seat of your pants kind of gal. Nope… I can play by the rules- as long as I know what they are.
All I have wanted, was for someone to point me in a direction. I didn’t even care if it was the wrong direction… I just wanted someone to tell me what to do.
A few days ago, we both surrendered to the fight within. We didn’t even realize that we were doing it… it was just happening. After all of the talking and processing, we realized that we already had our answer.
That was the key! As soon as we both “knew” we would be okay… the peace and calm came back.
The fear left, just as quickly as it came. There is no reason to fear. Paul is a strong man… I have never met a more determined person in my life! I am writing to you all- my friends and family to ask this… Please- let’s all focus on who he is- who he is to each of us… the beautiful soul that we all know and love… do not give any energy to the fear.
Tomorrow we go for the biopsy- and whatever the results… we know- we are going to be okay. Paul just left my office- I read him what I wrote- and he thanked me. Please don’t post on mine or his Facebook… we don’t want to live it out in public. He is very private, as you all know… so keep doing what you’re doing- and we’ll let you know what’s what in a few days.
Thanks everyone- and God Bless,
I honor the place in you
in which the entire Universe dwells,
I honor the place in you
which is of Love, of Light and of Peace,
When you are in that place in you,
and I am in that place in me,
we are One.