Chapter 6

Update 3.15.11

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 10:22 AM

Hello All,

I forgot some details in the last update… I also have some new thoughts and news to share.

When we met with the Oncologist, she asked if Paul would be a part of a medical study. There will be two groups- a controlled group and a monitored group.

They want to measure the effects of radiation and chemo on a patients muscle tone. They will measure muscle mass throughout the treatment and the study will help future patients by showing them the difference between exercise and no exercise. One group will have a personal trainer and will work out three times a week for one hour in a gym. The other will just be monitored. Our hopes are obviously that he gets the trainer… but it will be interesting to be a part of a study regardless. (Why not give back a little- as soooo much has being given to him?)

The other important thing is this… We are going to start referring to the cancer in the third person. No longer will I say things like- My husband has cancer… I will now say- they detected cancer in my husband’s tonsil. I am trying to not give the disease any power. Believe with me- and speak in the same manner- please. This is curable. Bottom line.

I will not live in the fear. I will live in the love. By not allowing it to own him or define him…. I am not giving it power over him.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still times when it sweeps over… I shudder… or it hits me upside the head… and I cry. But, it doesn’t last long. I don’t react- I center in my heart and in the love.

Last Thursday Paul went to the dental dept. for the teeth extractions. Ugh… they removed 10 teeth. Of course, it made eating- a little difficult for a few days. We got through it and he is almost back to the eating machine he is… his hope is for ribs this weekend. The reason for the teeth- again- is because they need a clear path for the radiation. They can’t risk that it will weaken the teeth- causing an infection to set in. He still had his wisdom teeth- so along with those four- they took six more. I think when you can’t eat solids- you crave them even more. Most of us wouldn’t starve… we could eat smoothies- scrambled eggs- you know? But when you’re forced to just eat those things… you want everything else! Like I said- we got through it. One more step on the journey.

Paul left this morning for Ann Arbor to be fitted for the radiation mask. I couldn’t go this time- because of work. Although the owners of the gym are great people and completely understand- I have responsibilities too. I save those days- for the real important trips. If I need to be there- I go… if it’s something routine- then he goes. That’s the hard part too- what is routine? Holy moly… how life changes. What used to be the norm… doesn’t even exist in today.

I had a very nice chat with a friend yesterday… ((Kitty)) she helps me to understand in many ways that I really am okay. It is hard to process all of these feelings at once. You find yourself doubting simple things. She reminded me that this is faith in action. When we don’t know… and we just continue the path… just continuing to move forward… that is faith. It’s wonderful to have friends who support us when we just don’t know… I find that I really am- okay today. But it is nice to be reassured that I really am!

God is providing at every turn. Thanks to friends and family for continuing to shower him with love and prayers. Jennifer and Andrew- Paul’s oldest daughter and son in law- are loaning him a car! That relieves some worry… We won’t have to buy another car to make the trips safe. Thanks, Jennifer and Andrew!

His younger daughter, Melissa- has arranged with her boyfriend’s family (they live 20 minutes away from the hospital) to have someone help Paul adjust. He will have an office space to work from that is just ten minutes away and a place to hang out when he is bored out of his mind. Thank you, Melissa, Ron and Karen!

Again- a reminder to please not post on his or my face book … you can share these emails with others and respond back to us- we believe the more people we have praying and believing- the better! Thanks to everyone for your love, loaned courage, faith and prayers. We feel it.

Be Blessed & Enjoy the Sunshine!

Denise

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