*** If you are just joining the blog, you may want to read a few of the previous posts to catch up, this is a healing journey.
This is my story as I walked along side of my husband Paul, during his battle with cancer. The journey began in 2011- these are the emails and journal posts that I used to keep all of our friends and family in the loop.
This began as a way to update everyone and soon became my therapy. You may notice that I jump around a bit, or that my grammar sucks… it is what it is. My Yoga teacher told me a few years ago… “How we do anything, is how we do everything” ***
I did something today that I haven’t done in a really long time… I cried for Paul and those memories. Seems odd that it was today. I haven’t been sad or haven’t been feeling any particular thing… but there it was. I looked back at some old facebook stuff and immediately was drawn to June 2012. I read my words and I cried. I read what my friends had written and I sobbed.
I keep thinking about when he first found the lump and when he had his first appointment in 2011- I do believe it was around this date. I remember that on Feb 10 or 11th– we went to the Petoskey Casino for the night to celebrate Valentine’s. This happened to be just a couple of days after his call from the Dr. that told him- I hate to say this on the phone, Paul, but I think it’s cancer. SO maybe that is the reason? Or maybe I just needed a good cry.
A lot has changed in my life… I honestly started feeling the steam build in the Spring of 2013… By the time I enrolled in my Yoga class- I felt like I was moving at such a rate- that I didn’t know which direction to move. The possibilities are endless… and the best news yet? My daughter has recently announced that she is pregnant and I am still dating Tom.
Hailey and Cody will be wonderful parents- I just wished they lived closer. I guess all things happen in God’s time… and it’s a perfect time for everyone to welcome a new baby.
I finished my Yoga certification and I was teaching weekly classes… Until my parents remodeled their basement and I got booted. A new place will open up soon… I have no doubt. I really believe that I am meant to teach healing arts. Massage and Yoga- maybe even a healthy cafe? I have thought a lot about this… I haven’t given up that dream.
This is how I met Thomas… In May, I decided to put a profile on Match.com.
I had some past experience with that site before Paul and I got together… needless to say- it wasn’t for me. People freaked me out with their boldness and with their responses… I lasted a few weeks- then removed my profile.
This time it was different. A few men contacted me and a few “winked”, but I didn’t really speak to anyone at length. Then… Thomas emailed me.
He made me laugh. He immediately made me think outside of my comfortable little box and the things he had written on his profile- made me think deeply. I also felt like I had known him for years. I forwarded his profile to my daughter and she said- wow- it sounds like something you would write. I was connected to him right away.
We talked for a weeks before we met. I was nervous… anyway- things are good- and here I am!
Almost 8 months later! He will retire in June and we are planning to move to Cadillac. Not sure of all of the details- for now- we will take it one step at a time.
Tom is a wonderful man who allows me to speak of my fears and my past. He is not threatened by Paul or doesn’t feel like he has to compete with his memories. He is comfortable in his own skin. He likes me- for me today… he knows I am a work in progress.
I have a friend who just recently lost her husband to cancer- we talked via facebook chat tonight… how ironic that all of these things happened and here I am writing. I feel like it may be a little push from Heaven.
So- as I close the journal today- I will open up my book.
Here’s to finishing- Just send love.