Check Yourself….

Hiya Everyone,

It’s been a minute since I have posted a blog, I have been enjoying my summer… Today it feels like Fall… I am excited for Fall. (Don’t hate me… I am one of the crazy Pumpkin flavored everything lovers… )

The other thing I love about Fall, is the transition in me… I get to slow down. I get to re-group. I use the seasons to check in with me. I allow the seasons to guide me. In Ayurvedic Medicine, the Seasons are a time to shift… your body wants to shift. Trust me.

So another reason I am writing today is because I have an opportunity tomorrow to speak at a recovery meeting. It’s not a huge deal, it’s maybe 40-80 people… Each week, one person opens the meeting- we call it a “Lead Speak”. Tomorrow is my turn. It can be ten minutes or it can be twenty… You don’t have to have a specific topic… you can just share your story.

I have been thinking about what I should share. In recovery, they teach us to share our ES&H… which is short for Experience Strength and Hope. The problem is… I feel like a Comedian- who needs new material! You ever watch someone and think… damn, I have heard this before. They need to get new stuff… that’s my fear.

So I was chatting with a sponsee yesterday and decided I would speak about “Having fun in recovery” Or “learning how to have fun” in general. It’s sad, like really sad… because most of us recovering addicts- don’t know how to be silly. We were not taught how to feel safe and to be child-like.

How many times did you hear, “Grow up… stop it… Behave… Act your age”??? I know, I did. It’s almost like I skipped that stage… being a kid.

So today, as a 53 year old grandmother… I am learning to be okay with being silly. To not take myself and other people so seriously. I can let you be you… and I can not carry your shit with me… I don’t have to look for your reaction to be okay. I don’t need your approval today. But… that was a process. So- that’s what I am going to share at the Lead Speak.

I also think I will talk a little about allowing other people to feel their own pain. Say what?? Ya… that’s hard, I know… but it’s necessary. I can’t save the world. I can barely save me. Along those same lines, I wanna mention what it feels like or how to recognize when we need to be aware of something. When we need to address an old wound…

A few weeks ago I posted something on social media, I won’t share what it was, because I don’t want to call anyone out. But here is the thing that sort of miffed me. (Is that a word? Please don’t go grammar Natzi on me…) Anyway, a person commented on my post, to “one up me”. (Or that’s what it felt like… and that feeling, alerted me to an area that I need to look at- in me.)

I am not even sure if they did it on purpose. But here is what I have learned about me over the past 20 years of soul searching and digging… people are brought into our lives to teach us something about us. When people irritate us, “miff” us, or in general just rub us the wrong way… it’s usually something about ourselves that we don’t like. (Here is where you can smack your own forehead….)

SO… I have to check myself. I have to look within to see why or what is going on? I have to genuinely look at myself and understand why it bothers me. Am I like this? Do I do this to other people? Is it my ego that is being challenged? Why does it bother me??

Someone once told me “If you spot it, You got it.” At the time, I wanted to smack them upside the head… really. What?? But when I step back… I can see clearly.

If I can recognize a defect of character in someone else, it must mean that I am capable of this action myself. Most of the time, it’s something in myself that I do not like. Sometimes, it’s an old wound that I haven’t addressed.

How is this done? How do we heal those old hurts? How do we not keep picking at it and finally let it go?

1) The first step is recognize that you want to change.

2) The second is to make a decision to change.

3) The third step- and this is HUGE, we have to make a decision to allow other people to not be okay with the new us. (Insert new decision, a change… whatever you’re trying to do.) Too often we will abandon our idea or our commitment, when we are challenged by someone in our group.

Here’s an example… Let’s say that I want to stop eating potato chips. If I make a decision to not eat potato chips, and my friend buys me a bag of my favorite kind… I should be able to politely refuse the gift. If my friend gets upset and says something like- “That’s the the last time that I buy you anything….” (insert eye roll here… really- my friends don’t treat me like this… but follow along- this is good.)

If my friend couldn’t honor my change or my decision, and they started pressuring me… and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings… so I ate the chips to not hurt their feelings…. this is what I am talking about.

We have to be okay with allowing people to disagree with our decision and to allow them to not be okay. It’s not up to me, to make sure everyone is okay with my evolving. I am constantly creating a new version of me… remember?? I get to be whoever and whatever, I chose to be!

Okay, I completely got away from the social media post… backing up to the post. What was so upsetting about the comment? Why did I get irritated? Because I felt like this person was making me look dumb. (It wasn’t their intention… I know… but it stung a little.) Why??

It stung a little because I have not gone to college. I don’t have a degree. I know a lot, about a lot… but I am not a college graduate. Why is it hard for me to allow people to know more than me?

When this happens, I breathe deeply. Settle back into my truth… and know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am smart. I have a good handle on many things. I am not an expert on them… but I am enough.

My name is Denise, I am a Daughter, Sister, Friend, Mother, Wife, Alcoholic, Addict, Sponsor, Sponsee, Grandma, Sexual Abuse Survivor, Reiki Master, Artisan, Widow, Writer, Massage Therapist, Yoga Teacher, Blogger and Master Certified Health Coach. (I passed! 😉)

A friend reminded me of this the other day, she asked “How many initials do you have behind your name now, Denise?” I may not have a college degree… but I am not dumb. I am enough.

Be kind ya’all… check yourself. Make sure your motives are good.

Oh… and random funny thing happened yesterday. (I told GT that I was going to blog about it and he said I was a glutton, that people would have a field day with this… so here it is…) Yesterday while I was making a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup, I burned my chin. I grabbed a spoon from the drawer to taste test a noodle to see if they were done… I slurped, it slipped… it landed on my chin. Yup… I have a burn on my chin from a noodle. A welt. It stuck- like a melted piece of plastic… damn, it hurt. Okay… so that’s me not taking myself so seriously. That’s me being silly. I can laugh at me today. Hope you can too….

Peace and Love~ Until Next time….

Perspective…

Hiya Everyone,

This morning while cleaning… my mind started to swirl. Some people’s minds may wander… mine does that sometimes… but today- it was most definitely swirling. It’s like a kaleidoscope most days.

kaleidoscope

As I am putzing around the house, GT is golfing… it’s a beautiful morning in Northern Michigan, it’s 77 degrees and I have the fans blowing and the windows open. Ashley McBride is playing, my homework is open on the kitchen table, dishes are washed… sheets clean and ready to be put back on the bed… cheese and crackers and watermelon on the counter for nibbling, and I started thinking about our little house.

I bought this place in 1996, it’s roughly 980 sq feet. I almost said it’s just 980 sq feet… that’s when I realized it’s all about Perspective

I actually looked at the definition of Perspective- it can be described as your particular attitude or a way of regarding something; a point of view.

This may or not be the same as frame of mind… you can decide.

While we were drinking our coffee this morning, Tom and I were looking at before and after pictures of our house and we realized how many changes we have made over the past four years.

Because that was still on my mind, and because we are always looking at new homes on the market… and dreaming of a bigger place with a bigger garage… I heard someone elses music playing…

Across the street is a young woman folding clothes in the back of her little SUV. I think she is homeless. I am not sure her story. I have never spoken to her. I just wave when I am in my front yard or driving by. One day I saw her and her boyfriend climb out of the hatch with bed head and noticed the blankets as I drove out of my driveway… They have been in my neighbors driveway on and off for a few weeks.

This is where perspective comes in to play… as I am thinking about our little house and wishing for a newer, bigger place… there is a homeless couple across the street wishing for a home.

It really did change my thinking.

I was talking to a client the other day and we were talking about successful people and how some people are just never happy. Some people always want different and more. I remarked, “If I can’t be happy with what I have, then how can I be trusted with more? If I can’t be responsible with this much money, then how do I think I could manage more money? If I am always wishing and wondering for more… how am I ever going to enjoy today?”

Perspective.

create

 

It comes down to contentment. Can you be content with your life today? If not… then make the changes to get you to the spot where you can be happy.

You are the only person who can make those changes.

One of the things I have been reminded of recently is that this is all only temporary. Life is changing, we are changing… either we get on board with the change… or we can fight it everu step of the way… and be miserable.

It all begins with you. Each of us has the choice to get beyond the past, heal the wounds, and climb up out of the dark.

If you don’t like where you are today, change it. If you don’t like your job, relationship, body, house or whatever else you’re struggling with… You have a choice today. Change it- or change the way you’re looking at it.

rain

You are not a victim today. Let me repeat that… You are not a victim today.

Victims are powerless. Victims blame everyone else for their life. Victims never take responsibility for their life of their choices… You are not this.

It begins now. It begins today. Are ya ready? Hang on darling… things are about to get good…

Until next time… Peace and Love~