Doing the next right thing…

Hiya Everyone,

Not sure why I was thinking about this yesterday… but I was.

What are some of the things you remember, in your greatest time of sorrow… grief… or joy? Do you remember people? Do you remember who showed up? Do you remember who did not? Any surprises? Do you remember the weather? Do you remember anyone elses responses… or… do you remember how you felt?

I ask this question, as my mind has drifted from past to present. I thought about this question and immedietly my mind scanned for how I responded to others in need. Did I show up? Did I make a casserole, a salad or a pot of soup? Did I say a silent prayer, did I reach out at all? Did I send a card?

I took a giant step back into my memory, and found some really sad times. One in particular stands out. I remember when one of Hailey’s classmates died in a tragic accident. He was walking across a busy street and was hit by a semi. Not sure how news spread so quickly before we had Facebook… but within hours, the whole town was buzzing.

I made a macaroni salad, stopped at the grocery store and bought deli meat, rolls and the fixings… then, I drove to their house. I just wanted to hug the parents, and leave the food… but… God had another plan. I ended up spending the entire day with them.

I was the one, who opened the door and spoke to the attorney, representing the driver. (In retrospect, who the heck does this? The very day… they sent someone to question the grieving parents.)

When I hopped into my car that morning, I had a plan… I didn’t know what the need would be… but I knew they would need to eat. (This is my love language… I feed people.)

What I didn’t know, was that they would also need someone to pray with them. Cry with them. Make phone calls. Answer phone calls and to tell them that it was all going to be okay.

I think back to that day. Why was I able to comfort them? What did I have, that they needed? Nothing. I was just willing to be there. I am not sharing this story to point out what a good person I am… I am sharing it to show you how something so little… a few groceries and a tuna salad… can make a difference. How being willing to sit with a horrific situation and sad people… can have an impact.

Be that person. Set your own stuff aside… and just show up. I am not saying you need to cancel your day or not be there for your family… what I am saying is that you need to be willing to be uncomfortable. It is not fun being with a grieving person. Nobody knows what to say. Nobody knows what to do.

No-one knows what someone needs, and everyone is different… so… we stay away.

Don’t stay away.

Remember when people made a pot of soup for a sick neighbor? Remember when people brought food, for a family, who had just lost a loved one?

Be the person who makes the soup. Be the person who feels awkward and shows up anyway. Be the person who bakes a casserole, sends a card and picks up the phone.

If we could stop making it personal… and realize it’s not about us… we would be so much better off. We need to learn to set aside our own fear of saying the wrong thing… and just show up. Stop being so busy that you can’t drop what you’re doing and show up. People need us. We need each other.

I also remembered my own grief.

I remember my sister Kim saying, I am just going to be there.

I am going to sit on the edge of her couch and be out of the way… Just in case, she needs something. Maybe it’s a hug, maybe it’s a sandwich, maybe it’s to sweep her floor… but if she needs anything… I want to be there.

You have no idea how much that meant to me. She was willing to come and just be there… for as long as it took… just in case, I needed something.

I was talking to a friend yesterday,m who had lost his wife a few years ago. He mentioned that after the funeral, when everyone left… was the hardest part.

The loneliest time of his life. He was all alone. People avoided him. People stayed away.

My experience was different. I had a friend who stayed with me for months… she allowed me to cry. Allowed me to talk on end… and never tried to make it anything else. She allowed me the space to heal.

Here is a little unsolicited advice- When people start crying, don’t stop them.

Don’t rush to grab a tissue… just let them cry. Let them get all messy. Allow them to be sad. If they need a kleenex, they will ask. Allow them the space and let the tears flow. It isn’t about you. So what, if you’re uncomfortable. Allow them to cry.

One of the weirdest parts about my grief, was allowing other people to be uncomfortable with my breakdowns. And trust me… there were many.

I had to watch men start to shift their weight from hip to hip… I watched as they folded their arms across their chest… I watched them as they looked away. I watched their body language and I allowed them to be uncomfortable. I needed to cry. I wasn’t sorry either… It. Was. What. I. Needed.

One last thing… This isn’t a contest either. You don’t get a medal or a badge. It’s a privilege. I don’t share these things to get an atta boy or to shame someone… I am gently reminding you all… that it’s time to step up.

People are hurting. People are not okay. People are lonely. Check in. Bring the damn soup. Even if it’s raining and you don’t want to get out of your fat pants… get up and get moving. **Don’t take a selfie and post it all over your social media… it ruins it. Really. Just do it, because it needs to be done.

Kindness Matters.

Until Next time… Peace and Love Peeps~

Proceed with Caution… this one may sting a little.

Hiya Everyone,

I was thinking this morning about a friend. She mentioned that she wasn’t feeling well and knew she had a lot of inflammation in her body. She also mentioned that she may need to change her diet and she dreaded that idea because she is not a good dieter.

As I was playing around the house this morning, I started thinking about my friend. I also started thinking of the things in my life that I dread… I really really really… want to get a daily yoga practice. I want discipline and I want to be faithful to me.

Bingo.

Instead of dreading the idea of creating the habit… I just need to change the way I look at it. Just like my friend.

I don’t have to create a new habit… I get to.

I just need to change my perspective.

Just like my friend… she gets to help her body, she gets to support her health… Instead of looking at all that she can’t eat, maybe she needs to focus on what she can. There are so many dense nutrients that support gut health, inflammation and arthritis… maybe she needs to look forward to better health and less pain… rather than dreading a lifestyle change?

I am a pretty holistic person. I would rather take a supplement or an herb… than a prescription.

But… I have an entire shelf filled with supplements and vitamins. It dawned on me this morning, I am trying to use the vitamins etc… to do what a pill or a prescription would do. (Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…) But here is the issue… I also want the quick fix.

I want the herbs to work as quickly to relieve my symptoms, instead of looking at the root causes. What is causing my irritation or issue?

Lack of sleep. Extra weight, especially around the middle. Inflammation. Aches and pain.

I have an entire cupboard filled with things to take… instead of addressing what the real issue is. I am also not supporting my body. I am eating garbage and then taking a supplement to off set it. I am not practicing yoga and meditation and haven’t been journaling… My hormones are directing a lot… and that isn’t a cop out, it’s just a fact of life.

I have many tools to be healthier. I have the knowledge.

So… changing my perspective… I can move forward with this thought. What if I supported my body in a few other ways… What if I took responsibility for me?

A few years ago, at my chiropractor’s office, I filled out the questionnaire and there was a question that made me think deeply. It asked if I wanted to get to the cause of the pain, or If I was just looking for the pain to go away.

A lot of people come to me to reduce pain. Emotional, physical and sometimes even spiritual. Sometimes they don’t like what I tell them. Sometimes they don’t find what they need. Sometimes, they just aren’t ready to hear me… other times, they just want the pain to go away… they don’t want to own their part or take responsibility.

It all begins with the decision to change. Even if I am really ambivalent. Even if I have a cupboard full of supplements and quick fixes… it all begins with me. Sometimes the answer is a pill. Sometimes it is an herb… maybe it is exactly what my body is lacking… but it shouldn’t be the only thing I am doing. I need to look at my part.

I read a book a few years ago by Iyanla Vanzant. She said something that really stuck with me… she said, it’s all intellectual, until we put it into play. In other words, I can read all of the books and gain all of the knowledge in the world… but until I use this information, nothing will change.

There is a saying in the recovery world… Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

What do you want to change? What’s stopping you? Who have you given your power too? Is it time to take it back? Maybe it’s time to schedule an appointment with a Health Coach or a Counselor… here is the cool part.

You get to decide. You are in charge. You have the right to stay stuck… or move on with all that you have.

I threw my yoga mat down on the kitchen floor… I set my iPad to an old yoga playlist… and I did some yoga. When I was done, I made a smoothie. I finished cleaning my kitchen and I folded the clothes that had been re-fluffed three times.

I grabbed an apple and I went to work. I get to work today. I get to do yoga. I have so many blessings…

Until Next Time, Peace and Love Peeps~