Gosh, so much has changed since my last posting… let me just say that Tom and I are home. We are healthy and we are safe.
There is so much fear whirling around, so much uncertainty. Let’s all just take a deep breath and step back…
I read a blog posted by a friend this morning that talked about how many people are trying to win at the “Hardship Olympics”, this really got to me.
While we were in Alabama, I wrote a lengthy post, re-wrote it, modified it, deleted most of it, then ended up- NOT- posting it. I chuckle now. My ‘unposted-post’ was about Tolerance. (Or lack thereof!) In my rambling, I recognized a lot of judgment on my part. I noticed a pattern and I called myself out publicly. I even shared my solution with you all.
But something wasn’t right.
For those who don’t know this about me, I have a strong intuitive side. I am an Empath. Sometimes, I just know stuff.
A few days went by as I realized there were more important things at work around me. There were many other worthy topics. (Besides my rant, about how I thought things should be.)
I knew I wanted to write but something was unsettling. I had too many thoughts. I had too many topics. Energies were moving and they were moving fast. Something was brewing…
News publications began surfacing.
People became aware of what China and Italy, were experiencing.
Tom and I had begun practicing social distancing. We cancelled plans, we avoided crowds and we were staying in our condo. (Easy to do when the Ocean is right outside your slider.) We also started talking about leaving early. As the days went by, we knew things were changing.
We picked a day to leave. We would have to forfeit 13 days, but decided it was a plan we would leave on Friday the 20th.
On Wednesday morning, I asked Tom if we could leave that day. I had already begun to pack… I just knew it was time to go. I explained that I had a good night’s sleep and I knew that I wouldn’t sleep much over the next few nights. Something told me that we needed to head for home.
The next day, Orange Beach closed their beaches. People started to exit the area and traffic would soon be bottle necking. I am so thankful that we decided to leave when we did.
Let me add that I am not an expert on anything. I am just a different version of you. I sit here at my kitchen table and write about my feelings.
Here is what I am feeling.
Fear. Strength. Vulnerability. Shame. Love. Helplessness.
I can vacillate between all of these emotions, in moments. Every. Single. One.
Today my choices may be limited, but I still have choices.
I was reminded last night in an online zoom meeting that we are resilient. Yes. We. Are.
Instead of forming sides… let’s pull together in this seclusion. It is possible.
We can and will be forced to isolate, but we do not have to shut down. We can and should be looking for ways to come together.
I post this next part with permission, because I truly believe in the Anonymity of a 12-step meeting. In my zoom meeting last night, my friend said something that stuck with me. It was a beautiful demonstration of how to turn fear, into a positive.
She shared how proud she was of our fellowship, saying “Just look at how we have figured this shit out!” She was referring to the thousands of online meetings popping up and how people without any technical abilities were making it happen.
There were 11 in our online meeting. We know that isolation in recovery, is not good.
There were people making and eating their dinner, sitting in their cars, hiding out in their craft room with earphones, sitting in their living rooms… all attending a meeting!
We are Resilient!
I invite you to search for the good.
We don’t have to agree, but we also do not have to publicly disagree, either.
Look harder. Instead of commenting on the posts that rile you up or have a different viewpoint, keep scrolling.
I will tell you about the things that are working for me. I have organized my kitchen cabinets. I have made some wonderful meals. I have attended an online meeting. I have posted a short meditation video on a private platform. I have scrolled past many and have also unfollowed quite a few people on social media.
Give yourself permission to do what is necessary to feel safe and without triggers. Unfollow, unfriend, block or just keep scrolling.
I am also taking this time to do the things that I never really have time for. Trust me, there are many!
This time apart, will teach us our strengths and it will show us our weaknesses. I am pretty sure there are some that are feeling the same things as me…
Fear. Strength. Vulnerability. Shame. Love. Helplessness.
When I feel fear, I tap into my inner strength. I also search to see where this doubt is coming from. Is it an old message? Is this old part of me coming to the surface to show me something new?
When I feel strong, I share it with others to help them feel strong. I check in with my friends. I listen. I do not fix.
When I feel vulnerable, I remind myself: This is where I will grow the most, if I am transparent, I am free!
When I feel shame, I tell myself that I am perfect. Yes. I am perfect, right where I am.
When I feel loved and appreciated, I thank the person for helping me to feel this way. I also try to show them the same love.
When I feel helpless, I look for ways to be of service.
I can also make a list of the things I do have control over and begin making changes there.
Remember, we have choices today. Honor what you’re experiencing and feeling. Sometimes, just acknowledging a feeling will help it to settle.
Check in with your friends. Take a shower. Get dressed, not just in yoga pants or sweats. Put on some music. Get some movement in your day, it will help… I Promise.
I look forward to deeper connections with many of you. Stay tuned… more to come.
Take a deep breath. Exhale completely. Remember, this too shall pass.
Until next time Peeps, Peace and Love