Are these mine?

HiYa Everyone!

As our state begins to open back up, I am struggling.

Once again… it’s with feelings. Emotions are so tense right now. Everyone has feelings and an opinion. The problem is… Which, are my feelings? And which are yours?

Am I living in my truth, or allowing your opinion to lead me? Have I just adopted your belief as my own? Am I so afraid of being wrong, that I remain on the fence?

I saw an article yesterday in my hometown by the Chamber of Commerce, announcing they have chosen to cancel the fireworks for the 4th of July. There were many comments. Many of which, were rude. One person accused another, of being a sheep. (Along with some other, not so choice words. All while toting they would continue to “live”.)

I am a Massage Therapist, beginning next week, I will re-open my business.

The Governor of our State, has been quite strict. She was one of the first states to go on “lock down”, even gaining criticism from the President. He called her “that woman from Michigan.” She has kept a tight rein on certain industries and has unveiled a plan for re-opening. This is the 5th stage. My profession is included in this time frame. As of June 15th, we can legally open our doors.

I was chatting with a friend in the same field, and I watched how she was handling opening her business. I asked her, how she felt? I was honest and shared that it was hard to understand my feelings from everyone else’s right now. Things are so amplified. She encouraged me to go deep. She told me that my truth was there.

 I even sent a message to another friend, asking what protocol their office would implement?

When I don’t know what to believe, I ask questions.  

When I am uncertain of what is right for me, or what to do? I watch how you, are handling the same situation.

The problem is, by watching and asking… I am not sure what feelings are mine, and what feelings and choices are someone else’s. Did I just adopt someone else’s truth? Did I just take on someone else’s fear?

What. Do. I. Believe?

I am not sure.

This is such a subjective issue. Everyone has a choice, and everyone has an opinion. The choices are as diverse as the people involved.

Each Massage Therapist that I have spoken too… is implementing different changes. I have one friend who will require masks, the other will say it’s optional. I have one who will take precautions with forehead temperatures, another who will just ask people to update and sign a new waiver.

I have another friend in a different state, who said their massage businesses, never closed. She said, “You could just see the fear in the faces of Michigander’s.”

As I sat on the couch this morning talking to GT, he showed me a news article from the New York Times. It was a poll from 511 Epidemiologists, asking when they would feel safe to do certain activities.

The questions ranged from a hug, sending their children to daycare and school, to flying in an airplane. The responses varied. They listed percentages for each category: This Summer, 3-12 Months, 1 YR+, and finally, never again.

The article made me realize all over again, I am not sure what my feelings are.

I am not sure of my truth.

Why am I opening back up, if I am not certain? Honestly? It’s probably the money. Although, I am extremely fortunate, at the end of the day… it all comes down to income.

For someone who doesn’t really live in a material world, this surprises me. Again, is it someone else’s fear? Or mine? I have never believed in competition, if you were meant to be my client, then you would be on my table. The universe always provides. (Except when I am ego driven or driven by a fear, of lack.)

Energy follows intention.

If I am living in a fear state, constantly worrying about NOT having enough… I will not have enough. Period. End of story.

I love my clients, I love what I do… but Massage Therapy is a demanding, very physical and emotional job. It’s more than just a back rub- people! And now… there is added risk. Potentially deadly risk. Not just for me, but for my husband, other clients and family members.

Is it worth it?

I realized last summer when I took the Dr. Sears Master Level Health Coach course, how ambivalent I am.  I am also married to a Gemini. Tom is the most indecisive person; I have ever met. He could convince me one day that we should do something, and the next day, tell me how ridiculous the idea is.

I am easy going by nature, but I also love structure. As a recovering people pleaser, I still look at how my decisions will affect others. Sooooo, back to the topic at hand.

What do I really feel? Where is my truth? What do I believe about this Covid Crisis?

First, let me start by saying that I believe each of us has a purpose or a reason why we were born. I know this feeling or this belief to be my God Job. I believe that my “God Job”, is to be a bridge.

I am the person, who could fit into two entirely different groups. Ironically, my God Job, just became clear. It took a pandemic, for me to realize that I was meant, to be a bridge.

I was talking to a friend on the phone and we were discussing the “two sides of the coin”. This was in the beginning stages of quarantine, we realized how divided our Nation was becoming.

In the early stages of lock down, there were clearly two teams.

One team hunkered down, wore masks, sterilized all incoming items, they took very little risks, they cancelled trips and pulled inward. This team shamed the other team, for their risks.

The second team is comprised of people who still went on vacation, didn’t wear masks, continued to socialize and visit and didn’t feel that things had changed much. This team spoke about the odds and statistics, but they focused on the facts that supported their team. This team shamed the other for their fear.

Let’s face it, both teams can support their belief with science and facts. We can all pull charts and stats that could sway anyone into jumping ship.  

We were forced to choose a side. We became a Nation- of us and them.

Some of us were thrown into a team, just by making a slight move in an opposing direction. It wasn’t clear what was happening, nobody knew how long this would take. Nobody knew what we were facing and there were such conflicting reports, almost daily.

A few weeks into Quarantine… there seemed to be a third team forming.

This team picked up stragglers from the other teams. The non-committed ones. This team’s numbers are always fluctuating. This team is an eclectic mess. The members use data to support their ambivalence and they continue to find balance, in the moment.

This is my team. I am a member of this team.

I am afraid. I do not know what to believe or what to expect. I also believe that we need to move forward but am not completely ready to shed my mask. I have friends on all three teams. I believe your fear is real. I believe your science is just. I also believe that this isn’t over.

How do we move forward? Do we embrace the risk? Do we jump in headfirst? Or do we tip our toes in… and see what happens? What if I believe 100% today, and tomorrow… I am again- Unsure? Is it okay to stay in this “in between stage?”

Yes.

Yes it is. You can join this team. Leave this team. Come back again… and I promise, I will be here.

My truth today, is that I am going to start small and see how I feel. I am going to begin with a few of my regular clients and will require some precautions. Give me a few weeks, things may change. I may need to pull back, or I might be willing to push forward… but I won’t know, until I try.

Until Next Time, Peace and Love Peeps!

4 thoughts on “Are these mine?

  1. Great post Denise. I can identify with all of those teams myself. I have taken a stand in each one of them. The areas debated are many: pandemic – no pandemic, mask- no mask, vaccines- no vaccines, open up the state, black lives matter vs. All lives matter, riots, etc.. and then we are finding ways to link all of it to politics and the trails of money. Life is full of risk everyday. What one sees as a risk, I may not or Visa versa. I despise the shaming though. It’s hard to share any thoughts without getting slammed and accused of being irresponsible. So I’ve chosen faith over fear. I will continue to do what feels good and right. Maybe you could ask your clients how they feel. If they are coming to see you at all, I would expect that they are comfortable with you and trust that you are comfortable to do your job. If you don’t want to wear a mask, maybe they will be relieved that you are ok either way. Others may expect you to take as many precautions as possible. I’m finding even with friends, that some are happy to hug and shake hands already. Some are really over it all and are going to go back to normal as soon as possible whether others like it or not. I think taking it slow at first is a great idea! You will get into a groove as your God will guide you. I rambled, sorry.

    Like

    1. Thank You Jill.
      I am comfortable with my decision to require masks. When dealing with many clients, some who have compromised immune systems… I have to think of everyone’s safety.
      I have to disinfect with special cleaners, provide hand sanitizer and if clients didn’t wear a mask, I would have to scrub all surfaces in between clients and deep clean daily. (Protocol set by the state, WHO and the CDC.)

      I did have a client tell me today, that he refuses to wear a mask.

      I told him I respected his decision and knew some people would disagree with my policy and that is a risk I was willing to take.
      I gave him another Therapists name and number, someone who won’t require a mask.
      The thing that I still struggle with isn’t weather to enforce certain rules, it is whether or not the risk is worth it.

      I have faith, but is the added risk, worth it?
      Thank you again, I appreciate your love and support. 🙏🏽

      Like

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