Who gets this life??

Hiya Everyone,

This past weekend was “The Harvest Gathering”… I am still reveling in its wonder… Harvest Gathering is a beautiful music festival in my hometown. I look forward to it each and every year… BUT. It’s not just about the music. It is so much more than music.

It’s about connection. It’s about community. It’s about love and support. It’s about the environment and caring for each other.

I remember a few years back (MySpace… years back!) I wrote on my “MySpace” about the gathering. I remember mentioning that I wanted to be a Hippy. I wanted what these people had to offer… so loving and generous with all they have. I wrote about how the festival changed me and that I wanted to become a hippy. (Insert sarcasm here… ) I also wrote that I didn’t want to become a vegan, wasn’t willing to not shave my legs/arm pits and still wanted to eat cheeseburgers!

Well, I am here to say- the festival has grown… and so have I. Harvest Gathering has changed… it’s expanded and what used to be a few hundred friends and musicians, is now over 2,000 and growing. I remember when they added a second stage… now there are four stages and over a hundred bands that play for three whole days! (And late into the night…)

I have watched the festival become its own energy. It draws people in. It changes them. It nourishes spirits and it mends the brokeness within. The music and the people speak love. It is universal. Many cultural ethnicities, races, religions, beliefs, sexual identities are represented… and they all get along beautifully. They conduct workshops and educate one another. They dance. They do yoga. They bless one another. They spread change and they nurture the young. These people respect their elders and they honor them.

As I sit here 12-15 years later… I say it again… I wanna be a hippy. I want what these humans have. I love who they are… I cannot wait until this weekend, next year. It imprints my heart and enriches me beyond these words.


I tried to explain it to someone last week, I said- “You show up and you quickly realize that this is what you have been missing… all of your life. It’s magic.”

This year as I waited for my lunch … (Which is a totally different blog… the food is incredible. They have such wonderful choices… my mouth salivates, at the thought of that grilled cheese with green apples and Havarti cheese… topped with an aoli sauce with a small container of cool tomato basil soup for dippin… oh….mmmmm….geeeeee. )

Anyway… I digress… as I was waiting for my lunch… I was approached by an old friend. She and I went to highschool together and she still lives locally. I see her name mentioned by friends, but we have not stayed in contact. She makes these colorful hand crafted window shutters and I have been thinking of her a lot lately probably because I need a pair of these wonderful shutters for my she-shed/massage shed… anyway, she mentioned that she spotted me and wanted to tell me that she reads my blog. She said that my words often touch her and she wanted me to know this.

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

You see, I don’t know who reads my blog. Unless you comment here or on my Blog Facebook page, I really have no idea who reads these posts.

I guess in the spirit of The Harvest Gathering, once again… I am blessed. Not just by the music and the love… but by an old friend- who stepped out of her comfort zone to pay me a compliment. I probably walked away just a little bit taller with that grilled cheese…. thank you friend, your kind words were appreciated. Namaste.

So… I ask myself this question often… especially when I see memories on social media. Who gets this life??

On this day I have memories of past Harvest gatherings… a visit with my daughter and first grandson, the Dixie Chicks concert, a friend/massage client who tagged me and said thank you, for “seeing her” and a new post from a friend who shared her heart and thanked me for being her shining star through the years without even knowing it…

My life is full today. I have so many wonderful friends. I have a husband who works hard and supports my dreams. He allows me to putz and play… I get to make crafts and write blogs. A few years ago… my life was full of sadness. I was picking up the pieces of a shattered heart. Some of my pictures and memories show a deep sadness in my eyes. My smile is placed where it should be… but my eyes tell a different story.

Hailey and I at Harvest in 2012

I write these blogs to keep my memories. I write these words to share hope. I share my heart and my silliness to show other people that anything- is possible. I want whoever is reading this blog to know… this is just one day. Today is just a little blip… in the big picture.

I am reminded of a story….

A little girl has a really bad day at school. She is crushed. She runs home after school sobbing. She asks her mom for a piece of chocolate cake, to forget her troubles.

Her mom agrees.

Her mom hands her a tsp of baking soda. The little girl whines and asks why would she do this to her?

Her mom then hands her a stick of butter… again, the little girl wonders why her momma would be so cruel… she has had the worst day ever.

Then her mom hands her some flour in a cup… the little girl is beside herself… her mom asks her to sit down so they can talk.

She explains that this day- is just a single day. Just like in a recipe… if we take this single day without the other ingredients… it’s just a stick of butter. God is not done with us. If we stop now… we will never get the whole cake. This rough moment… this bad day… is just like a tsp of baking soda. It’s necessary… but alone… is not very good.

This path is not always fun. It’s not always concerts and kind words… but when I look at it all together… I am in awe. Who gets this life? Me. I do. (And… so do you.) I see you… I am proud of you. Don’t stop now… we all want to share in that cake…


Until next time peeps… Peace and Love~



Just Send Love…

Hiya Everyone,

Last night, I got a message from my best friend. She said the Lansing Police Department had contacted her to do a “wellness Check” on her ex-husband. A little bit later they contacted her to let her know he had passed.

Today is a day of sadness. Today is a day of anger.

I hate the disease of addiction.

He was one of the funniest men, that I have ever known. He was one of the brightest, smartest humans. There was such an ease with his gentle soul… until Addiction took over. His life became conflicted. He began to spiral and he lost it all.

He went from a prestigious position in IT with many certifications and respect, to living in a shady part of town and not able to keep a job.

He could remember random facts, and was the person you wanted on your team in any board or trivia game. He knew details and could recall any Actor, scene or title to whatever movie you were watching. He loved animals.

I remember his gentle nature and smile. I loved his laugh and his ability to make anyone feel like they were the center of the world. He did this well. My best friend had one of those picture perfect marriages… from the outside.

From the outside, looking in- we all saw how he adored her and went out of his way to make her life rich. From the outside we all saw how hard he worked to provide and how much he loved his job. From the outside, we watched him build a life in a small community and supported her dreams.

On the inside… he was withering and dying. He battled with addiction and even though he wanted to be all of these things for everyone… the addiction kept him feeling alone. It pulled him. It lured him… and eventually he believed it. He didn’t feel like he had a choice. He didn’t think he could ever stop.

My heart aches for this lost life. My heart aches for this lost possibility. My heart aches for my friend. I am so mad.

I go from tears staining my cheeks to angry with fists clenched and jaw set. I go from praying to God to help her and her family… to questioning God for allowing this to happen. I miss him. I haven’t spoken to him in years, but knowing that I never will again- brings the ache and the guilt of allowing someone their own pain.

In recovery, I have heard it said many times that sometimes a person has to die… to be free. I will hold that in my heart today. He is free.

When Paul was sick, people asked what they could do to help? My comment was “Just Send Love”. It’s a universal language and in the Love, I found healing.

I ask you today, for my friend and those who loved this man… Just Send Love. They will need it.

If you or someone you know is suffering today, I pray that you find your way. I pray that nobody ever reads a letter at your funeral about how things could have been. I ask the powers that be… to help you and guide you. May you find peace on this side… not the other.

God Bless…

Until Next time… Peace and Love~

Check Yourself….

Hiya Everyone,

It’s been a minute since I have posted a blog, I have been enjoying my summer… Today it feels like Fall… I am excited for Fall. (Don’t hate me… I am one of the crazy Pumpkin flavored everything lovers… )

The other thing I love about Fall, is the transition in me… I get to slow down. I get to re-group. I use the seasons to check in with me. I allow the seasons to guide me. In Ayurvedic Medicine, the Seasons are a time to shift… your body wants to shift. Trust me.

So another reason I am writing today is because I have an opportunity tomorrow to speak at a recovery meeting. It’s not a huge deal, it’s maybe 40-80 people… Each week, one person opens the meeting- we call it a “Lead Speak”. Tomorrow is my turn. It can be ten minutes or it can be twenty… You don’t have to have a specific topic… you can just share your story.

I have been thinking about what I should share. In recovery, they teach us to share our ES&H… which is short for Experience Strength and Hope. The problem is… I feel like a Comedian- who needs new material! You ever watch someone and think… damn, I have heard this before. They need to get new stuff… that’s my fear.

So I was chatting with a sponsee yesterday and decided I would speak about “Having fun in recovery” Or “learning how to have fun” in general. It’s sad, like really sad… because most of us recovering addicts- don’t know how to be silly. We were not taught how to feel safe and to be child-like.

How many times did you hear, “Grow up… stop it… Behave… Act your age”??? I know, I did. It’s almost like I skipped that stage… being a kid.

So today, as a 53 year old grandmother… I am learning to be okay with being silly. To not take myself and other people so seriously. I can let you be you… and I can not carry your shit with me… I don’t have to look for your reaction to be okay. I don’t need your approval today. But… that was a process. So- that’s what I am going to share at the Lead Speak.

I also think I will talk a little about allowing other people to feel their own pain. Say what?? Ya… that’s hard, I know… but it’s necessary. I can’t save the world. I can barely save me. Along those same lines, I wanna mention what it feels like or how to recognize when we need to be aware of something. When we need to address an old wound…

A few weeks ago I posted something on social media, I won’t share what it was, because I don’t want to call anyone out. But here is the thing that sort of miffed me. (Is that a word? Please don’t go grammar Natzi on me…) Anyway, a person commented on my post, to “one up me”. (Or that’s what it felt like… and that feeling, alerted me to an area that I need to look at- in me.)

I am not even sure if they did it on purpose. But here is what I have learned about me over the past 20 years of soul searching and digging… people are brought into our lives to teach us something about us. When people irritate us, “miff” us, or in general just rub us the wrong way… it’s usually something about ourselves that we don’t like. (Here is where you can smack your own forehead….)

SO… I have to check myself. I have to look within to see why or what is going on? I have to genuinely look at myself and understand why it bothers me. Am I like this? Do I do this to other people? Is it my ego that is being challenged? Why does it bother me??

Someone once told me “If you spot it, You got it.” At the time, I wanted to smack them upside the head… really. What?? But when I step back… I can see clearly.

If I can recognize a defect of character in someone else, it must mean that I am capable of this action myself. Most of the time, it’s something in myself that I do not like. Sometimes, it’s an old wound that I haven’t addressed.

How is this done? How do we heal those old hurts? How do we not keep picking at it and finally let it go?

1) The first step is recognize that you want to change.

2) The second is to make a decision to change.

3) The third step- and this is HUGE, we have to make a decision to allow other people to not be okay with the new us. (Insert new decision, a change… whatever you’re trying to do.) Too often we will abandon our idea or our commitment, when we are challenged by someone in our group.

Here’s an example… Let’s say that I want to stop eating potato chips. If I make a decision to not eat potato chips, and my friend buys me a bag of my favorite kind… I should be able to politely refuse the gift. If my friend gets upset and says something like- “That’s the the last time that I buy you anything….” (insert eye roll here… really- my friends don’t treat me like this… but follow along- this is good.)

If my friend couldn’t honor my change or my decision, and they started pressuring me… and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings… so I ate the chips to not hurt their feelings…. this is what I am talking about.

We have to be okay with allowing people to disagree with our decision and to allow them to not be okay. It’s not up to me, to make sure everyone is okay with my evolving. I am constantly creating a new version of me… remember?? I get to be whoever and whatever, I chose to be!

Okay, I completely got away from the social media post… backing up to the post. What was so upsetting about the comment? Why did I get irritated? Because I felt like this person was making me look dumb. (It wasn’t their intention… I know… but it stung a little.) Why??

It stung a little because I have not gone to college. I don’t have a degree. I know a lot, about a lot… but I am not a college graduate. Why is it hard for me to allow people to know more than me?

When this happens, I breathe deeply. Settle back into my truth… and know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am smart. I have a good handle on many things. I am not an expert on them… but I am enough.

My name is Denise, I am a Daughter, Sister, Friend, Mother, Wife, Alcoholic, Addict, Sponsor, Sponsee, Grandma, Sexual Abuse Survivor, Reiki Master, Artisan, Widow, Writer, Massage Therapist, Yoga Teacher, Blogger and Master Certified Health Coach. (I passed! 😉)

A friend reminded me of this the other day, she asked “How many initials do you have behind your name now, Denise?” I may not have a college degree… but I am not dumb. I am enough.

Be kind ya’all… check yourself. Make sure your motives are good.

Oh… and random funny thing happened yesterday. (I told GT that I was going to blog about it and he said I was a glutton, that people would have a field day with this… so here it is…) Yesterday while I was making a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup, I burned my chin. I grabbed a spoon from the drawer to taste test a noodle to see if they were done… I slurped, it slipped… it landed on my chin. Yup… I have a burn on my chin from a noodle. A welt. It stuck- like a melted piece of plastic… damn, it hurt. Okay… so that’s me not taking myself so seriously. That’s me being silly. I can laugh at me today. Hope you can too….

Peace and Love~ Until Next time….


Hiya Everyone,

This morning while cleaning… my mind started to swirl. Some people’s minds may wander… mine does that sometimes… but today- it was most definitely swirling. It’s like a kaleidoscope most days.


As I am putzing around the house, GT is golfing… it’s a beautiful morning in Northern Michigan, it’s 77 degrees and I have the fans blowing and the windows open. Ashley McBride is playing, my homework is open on the kitchen table, dishes are washed… sheets clean and ready to be put back on the bed… cheese and crackers and watermelon on the counter for nibbling, and I started thinking about our little house.

I bought this place in 1996, it’s roughly 980 sq feet. I almost said it’s just 980 sq feet… that’s when I realized it’s all about Perspective

I actually looked at the definition of Perspective- it can be described as your particular attitude or a way of regarding something; a point of view.

This may or not be the same as frame of mind… you can decide.

While we were drinking our coffee this morning, Tom and I were looking at before and after pictures of our house and we realized how many changes we have made over the past four years.

Because that was still on my mind, and because we are always looking at new homes on the market… and dreaming of a bigger place with a bigger garage… I heard someone elses music playing…

Across the street is a young woman folding clothes in the back of her little SUV. I think she is homeless. I am not sure her story. I have never spoken to her. I just wave when I am in my front yard or driving by. One day I saw her and her boyfriend climb out of the hatch with bed head and noticed the blankets as I drove out of my driveway… They have been in my neighbors driveway on and off for a few weeks.

This is where perspective comes in to play… as I am thinking about our little house and wishing for a newer, bigger place… there is a homeless couple across the street wishing for a home.

It really did change my thinking.

I was talking to a client the other day and we were talking about successful people and how some people are just never happy. Some people always want different and more. I remarked, “If I can’t be happy with what I have, then how can I be trusted with more? If I can’t be responsible with this much money, then how do I think I could manage more money? If I am always wishing and wondering for more… how am I ever going to enjoy today?”




It comes down to contentment. Can you be content with your life today? If not… then make the changes to get you to the spot where you can be happy.

You are the only person who can make those changes.

One of the things I have been reminded of recently is that this is all only temporary. Life is changing, we are changing… either we get on board with the change… or we can fight it everu step of the way… and be miserable.

It all begins with you. Each of us has the choice to get beyond the past, heal the wounds, and climb up out of the dark.

If you don’t like where you are today, change it. If you don’t like your job, relationship, body, house or whatever else you’re struggling with… You have a choice today. Change it- or change the way you’re looking at it.


You are not a victim today. Let me repeat that… You are not a victim today.

Victims are powerless. Victims blame everyone else for their life. Victims never take responsibility for their life of their choices… You are not this.

It begins now. It begins today. Are ya ready? Hang on darling… things are about to get good…

Until next time… Peace and Love~

Leaning into it…

Hiya Everyone,

Leaning into it… So… what does that really mean?

We have all heard the expression lately, when it comes to fear, anxiety or anything that we just aren’t too comfortable with… “Go ahead, just lean into it…”

My definition of the phrase is to gently approach it… then step in. Gingerly step into the fear. Step into the discomfort. When it starts to feel like too much… just lean in a little more. Step in further… and commit to staying. Ride it out.

That’s the real test… can you commit to it? Can you ride out the abrasive, hot, lonely, overwhelming sensation?

Sometimes it looks and feels like you’re testing your bath water or the lake. You dip your toe in. Sometimes, that’s enough.

Sometimes it’s enough to just talk about the fear.

Today… You- Get to decide- what is enough.


I attended a workshop a few months ago in Virginia. It was held at a wonderful Yoga Ashram, called Yogaville. (They have a huge pink lotus temple… you should google it- really. It’s amazing.) The workshop was called Embrace Your Weird. 

The name alone, was enough for me… Hell ya- I am going.

The woman who taught the workshop was a famous retired actress. Her name is Lisa Jakub. She was the oldest daughter in the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, Lydia. Yup… the one and only. (She has a few books out on the topic too, worthy of a mention.)

She talked about anxiety and depression and how to “manage it” with Yoga, Meditation and writing. She encouraged us all to write about our fears. We talked about the inner dialogue and how it can paralyze us. How the voice that always tells us we aren’t good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough or worthy… That voice isn’t a voice that we should be listening too. But… how do we stop listening to “it”? She said we need to write about it.

Most of us have heard of the story of the Native grandfather, talking to his grandson about the two wolves that live within each of us. One is dark. And one is light. They battle for control. They are constantly fighting… The young boy asks his grandfather which one wins? If they both live within us and are fighting for control… which one wins?

The wise old man says “The one that you feed.”

The dark one represents our fear, anger, jealousy, distrust and all of the other things that our “inner dialogue” will encourage.

The white one represents love, respect, self-worth, empathy and all of those beautiful traits.

Lisa went on to teach us to take that a step further. She said if you tie up an old dog out back and try to starve him… he is going to get pretty angry. He will be fiery mad. So… just ignoring the dark side isn’t enough. She suggested that we live the white wolf and we write about the dark one. Give it an outlet. Give it a voice… Honor it… but don’t live it.


If you battle with an inner dialogue that is an asshole… begin today. Pick up a journal and write about it. Write about the things you fear. Give them an outlet so they don’t control your thoughts.

The other part of the workshop was about meditation and yoga. For everyone who says, “I can’t meditate. It doesn’t work for me.” I challenge you to do it again. Do it again and again and again. Keep doing it, until it does work. It may take weeks. It may take years. But… what do you have to lose?

Think of all of the things you have overcome so far. Can’t think of any? How about these…

Do you use silverware to eat? I bet you didn’t always know how to do that.

Do you know how to ride a bike? I bet you fell a few times before you got it down.

Have you ever driven a car? I bet you had to learn how to do that.

What about reading, writing, not wetting your pants, using a cell phone, using chopsticks. Bingo… you get the idea. (I still don’t know how to use chopsticks!)

For everyone who thinks that we all need to sit in a Lotus position with a quiet mind, with no thoughts coming in… on the first or tenth try… it doesn’t happen like that. Here’s a fun fact… If you meditate for 20 minutes, your entire nervous system will re-set. Now doesn’t that sound fancy??

Even if you sit and your mind is racing. Even if you sit and you can’t get quiet or sit still… you are beginning the process. You can do it. Promise. Just keep trying. (I will also keep trying the chopsticks.)

Now… how about Yoga? Did you know that the practice of Yoga, isn’t the Asana? Asana, are the poses of Yoga. Some Yoga traditions aren’t even about the poses. The practice of yoga can be quieting your mind at a stop light. Not swearing at your neighbor. It could also mean not doing harm to nature and respecting all living things. It can also be sweating your buns off in a room full of people holding in a toot. (Insert the 10 yr old me here…)


Yoga isn’t about bending yourself into a pretzel. But it can be. The practice of Yoga is versatile. It is challenging and it is beautiful. It is about self discovery.

Today… this week… I challenge each of you to lean into something.

Maybe it means you’re going to try to meditate. Maybe you will try writing or journaling … possibly a yoga class. Or maybe you will just speak up and not let someone be rude. Whatever it is… Do it with zest. Shine on my friends… if we don’t do it… who will?

Here is the second part of that dare. Commit to it.

I read a book awhile back, it was about making changes and the author talked about that being a two-part process. Most of us will try a new diet, new cologne, new vitamin or a new mask… but what happens when someone challenges that new thought? What happens when your family isn’t on board with your new eating plan or the new you? What if someone doesn’t love your new cologne as much as you do?

Most of us will give up. Most of us will abandon the idea, because we haven’t committed to the idea of allowing others to be uncomfortable with it. Let that sink in.

When we try something new… we must also commit to allowing others to be uncomfortable with it. We can’t bail, because someone else doesn’t like the idea. We get to bail… only- when WE, decide to bail.

Commit. Stick with it. You can do it. I believe in you.

Be an example. Someone is watching and they need you to lead. Someone is learning from you and your efforts. Namaste…

Until next time~ Peace and Love.

Staring at a pile of….

Hiya Everyone!

A few years ago, I met a man at a 12 step meeting. He sat down at the table and when it was his turn to talk, he used his arms and hands to make a gesture. He started with outstretched arms and made his hands glide in towards an imaginary pile. He stacked and shaped it upward. He did this several times. He glided his hands on the table while scooping and making an imaginary pile…

He said he finally felt like he was getting his “shit” together. 

Then he said “But some days, I just feel like I am sitting here staring at a pile of shit.

I will never forget that display. I honestly don’t remember the guy or his name, but I will never forget the analogy. It stuck with me.

I mentioned last week that I was reading a book for my new book club, Daring Greatly, by Brené Brown. One of the things I realized while reading this book was, how grateful I am for the 12 steps of recovery. If it weren’t for the 12 steps and some great sponsors over the years… I am not sure where I would be.

Probably sitting somewhere just staring at a pile of shit.

For those of you who aren’t in recovery, the fortunate ones of us… do recover. We do get better. It’s not just about quitting… it’s about recovery. Yes… I know… first, you have to quit. But here’s the thing… that’s just the beginning. That isn’t the answer.

Because… Alcohol and Drugs are just a symptom of our disease

So what the hell does that mean?? It means that we turned to a substance to escape us. We turned to drugs to not feel the pain. We drank to erase the memories and the sorry existence of us. We couldn’t cope any longer…. so we drank and drugged to get by.

So… by removing the alcohol and drugs, we can work on us. In the book, Brené talks a lot about vulnerability and shame. In our 12 steps, we heal that shame.

We get through it together. We learn that we never have to be alone again. We learn to give up the fight. For most of us, that’s all we have known. Fighting. Fighting to be included. Fighting to be alone. Fighting for our voice, our truth and our power. We learn how to surrender to win. Sounds like a novel concept… and it’s not an easy task. Not at all. It’s the hardest, most rewarding thing that I have ever done.

Showing up with my step working guide in hand. My notebook full of my writing. Full of my secrets. And… then- telling someone all that is written. Freedom at last. Working through the shame is the first step to healing.

words have power

The power in writing the 12 steps, is like no other. I have equated this to many sponsee’s over the years as “NA, is like a big giant mushroom of energy. Each time that we sit down and write our steps, we get to tap into that energy. We get to tap into that power. There are many thousands of people who have healed and worked through their past, by working the 12 steps.”

One of the reasons it works so well is that each time I have sat with a sponsor to do step work, she has shared with me, some of her story.


You see- Shame, tells us that nobody will understand. Shame, tells us that we are alone and we are always going to be “broken”. Nobody will ever be able to help us. Nobody, will ever be able to love us.

When an addict walks into a 12 step meeting for the first time, the healing begins. There is a power greater than any of us- that resides in those rooms. Many of us call that power our Higher Power, or God. Some people are so sick and tired of people trying to “save” them… that God is a topic they just aren’t willing to tackle.

Some of us have had our God change over the years. Through healing and our work, we have changed our view of God.

Some of us knew God when we entered the rooms. Others have found their God in the rooms.

It’s not a pre-requisite, but it is necessary to believe in some power. That fact- right there- has also stopped some people, from entering the rooms. Sadly, some people think that this spiritual program that we work, is all about God. It’s not. There is a difference between spirituality and religion. (But that is a topic for another post!)

Back to shame… let’s dive right back in. What if your shame no longer had power? What if your old ghosts didn’t stop you dead in your tracks? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to think of your past as just a part of who you were… and not who you are?


shame and guilt brene


Over time, even the guilt… can disappear. Promise.

guilt and shame

Recently I had a conversation with my husband about my blog. He wondered why I write about some of the things that I write about. What is the benefit for me? Just like most men… he shudders at the topics that I write about. Yes, that is a sexist statement. I know it’s not true for some men… It’s also true for many women. Why. Do. I. Write. What. I. Do?

Because there is someone out there that needs to know that they are not alone. Someone needs to know that there is hope. Hope doesn’t always come flying in on the wings of a dove either… sometimes it comes from a few tears, a cup of good coffee and a few f-bombs. (That is a quote of mine from my writing about Paul’s death. I had a spiritual experience one day with my sponsor over a cup of coffee, a good cry and a few f-bombs.)

If you’ve made it this far… Congratulations. You are worthy. If you ever doubted that… let it go. And Cheers… hold up that glass of iced tea… You’re perfect right where you are.


Hang in there… it’s just getting good. Promise.

Until Next Time~ Peace and Love.


No more BFF’s

Hiya Everyone,

This past week, my 3.5 yr old grandson came from Nebraska with his family for the Holiday. My husband Tom commented to him about something and followed it up with, “Because we’re best friends, right?” To our surprise, Hudson replied, “No GT, there is no such thing as best friends, we are all just friends now.”

You could just feel GT’s disappointment. “What? Why can’t we be best friends anymore?” Hudson explained in the best way that he could, that we are all just equal. We all deserve to be friends. All of us. He said we should all be just friends, like Jesus wants us to be.

Wow. What a beautiful and simple concept.

That being said, I am still not so sure how I feel about this new shift. I understand the concept, it’s about including everyone, making sure nobody is left out, helping everyone to feel like they have a place.

I get it.

BUT… I am a little sad that we have to teach our kids that they can’t have best friends, to prove this point.

My mind races to a hundred topics. I know in my heart that it’s all about fostering a good moral standard and as children, nobody wants to feel left out. I know this… but I am being honest when I say I don’t know why… it still doesn’t sit well.

I had a talk with my sponsor the other day. As she sometimes does, she brought our conversation back to me. She asked. “Why does this concern you?” I responded that I wasn’t sure that I was concerned, just trying to fill her in on my life. I explained that I didn’t feel like I had to fix anyone or anything, I just wanted to give her some insight on what was happening. (Not about my grandson)

She then pointed out that I had taken the time to call her, talk at length about a situation… and she wondered why I felt, the need? I told her I just wanted to chat. I told her that I wanted another perspective on my thoughts.

She asked, “Why does it have to be one way or the other? Why can’t it be okay both ways?”


In so many ways in my life, I like things to be one way or the other. I like things to be black or white. I like to believe that I live in the gray area… but in reality, I crave the absolute. I want to know right or wrong.

She has been gently leading me out of this for a few years.

I am willing to listen… and I am willing to grow. I know that my need for rules was always a way for me to feel safe in the beginning of my recovery. If I could predict the outcome, or know what was going to happen next… I could feel safe. I could feel like I was okay.

News flash… I am okay with spontaneity too. I can be flexible… I am flexible. My mind will try over and over to make me believe that there is just one way.

The truth is, there are many ways.

My security is not based upon the narrow path of rules and direction. I grow when I am challenged and I find my strengths when I am willing to step off the predictable path.

Sometimes I feel like we all crave acceptance so much that we are just going through the motions of the day. I feel like we are all just busy bodies who stumble over one another to prove that “we get it” or that “we are right”.

follow the masses

What if my grandson is right?

What if… the simplicity of a 3.5 year old… is where we should be? Maybe it’s time to stop trying to categorize things and compete. Maybe it’s time to just believe a different way? Maybe it’s time to just find another truth.


I am so thankful for the wise people who have crossed my path. I am grateful for the willingness to change my path.









I believe with everyone having a platform on social media and a soapbox, we all feel pretty sure that our way is the only way. Or the right way. We have become such wounded beings that we feel every little injustice, needs a voice. Remember the old days? When we could give someone a break? Remember when we could just shrug off a bad meal or a bad experience at a store?

I miss those days.

Life is about choices. It’s about noticing the details and adjusting as we go.

And… because there aren’t any bff’s anymore… I think I will just adapt.

Until next time Peeps~ Peace and Love!